Dr. Ma Thida, a leading human rights activist
马提达博士，一位人活跃的权运动领袖
who had nearly died in prison
曾经几乎丧命于狱中
and had spent many years in solitary confinement,
并在单独禁锢中度过多年，
told me she was grateful to her jailers
但她告诉我她很感谢她的囚监
for the time she had had to think,
给她思考的时间，
for the wisdom she had gained,
让她得到了许多的智慧，
for the chance to hone her meditation skills.
和增进她的沉思的能力。
She had sought meaning
她追寻了意义，
and made her travail into a crucial identity.
并把她受的难变成了重要的身份。
But if the people I met
但如果我见到的人们
were less bitter than I'd anticipated
没我想象的中那么怀恨
about being in prison,
他们在狱中的时间，
they were also less thrilled than I'd expected
他们也没有我想象的
about the reform process going on
对他们国家的政治改革
in their country.
那么高兴。
Ma Thida said,
马提达说：
"We Burmese are noted
“我们缅甸人出了名的
for our tremendous grace under pressure,
在压力下能保持优雅，
but we also have grievance under glamour,"
但在华丽表象下却有不满，”
she said, "and the fact that there have been
他说道，“我们曾经历
these shifts and changes
这些动荡和改变
doesn't erase the continuing problems
并不能消除我们
in our society
在狱中学会看清的
that we learned to see so well
社会中
while we were in prison."
长久以来的问题。”
And I understood her to be saying
而我所理解她所说的是
that concessions confer only a little humanity,
相比完整的人性所需要的，
where full humanity is due,
妥协换来的只是一小部分的人性
that crumbs are not the same
这就像面包屑并不等于
as a place at the table,
饭桌前就餐的位置
which is to say you can forge meaning
而这意味着你可以在铸造意义
and build identity and still be mad as hell.
和寻求身份的同时十分气愤。
I've never been raped,
我不曾被强奸，
and I've never been in anything remotely approaching
我也不曾体验过任何
a Burmese prison,
接近缅甸监狱的事情，
but as a gay American,
但身为一名同性恋的美国人，
I've experienced prejudice and even hatred,
我经历过歧视甚至仇恨，
and I've forged meaning and I've built identity,
而我也曾铸造过意义和建造了身份，
which is a move I learned from people
这是我从经历过比我
who had experienced far worse privation
更多困苦的人身上
than I've ever known.
学习到的法则。
In my own adolescence,
我年少时，
I went to extreme lengths to try to be straight.
曾经千辛万苦地努力成为异性恋者。
I enrolled myself in something called
我为自己报名参加了称为
sexual surrogacy therapy,
性替代品的疗法。
in which people I was encouraged to call doctors
所谓的医生为我
prescribed what I was encouraged to call exercises
和所谓替代品女人
with women I was encouraged to call surrogates,
规定了所谓的练习，
who were not exactly prostitutes
她们并不是妓女，
but who were also not exactly anything else.
但除了妓女却也什么都不是。
My particular favorite
我最喜爱的
was a blonde woman from the Deep South
是从南部来的一位金发女郎，
who eventually admitted to me
她最终向我坦白
that she was really a necrophiliac
她是个恋尸癖
and had taken this job after she got in trouble
在她在停尸房中出了事儿后，
down at the morgue.
才接受了这份工作。
These experiences eventually allowed me to have
这些经历最终让我和一些女人
some happy physical relationships with women,
发生了愉快的肉体关系，
for which I'm grateful,
我对此抱有感激，
but I was at war with myself,
但我也和自己不断的战斗，
and I dug terrible wounds into my own psyche.
我在自身的心灵里划下了了严重的伤。
We don't seek the painful experiences
我们不寻求揉搓出我们身份
that hew our identities,
的那些惨痛经验
but we seek our identities
但我们在惨痛的经验之后，
in the wake of painful experiences.
却会追寻我们的身份。
