Paul
Stewart played for the England international team and some of English football's leading clubs, notably Manchester City, Tottenham Hotspur and Liverpool. It's a career to be proud of, but Stewart's memories are often consumed by the horrific daily cruelty he says he suffered between the ages of 11 and 15 as a youth footballer.
Stewart is one of hundreds of footballers dealing with the consequences of childhood sexual abuse that occurred within the game as they strived to become professional players.
This week, Stewart says he'd hoped to find solace in the independent review from prominent lawyer Clive Sheldon, commissioned by the Football Association (FA), into the scandal.
Instead, he says survivors of this sexual abuse have suffered "another kick in the teeth" following the release of a report detailing the "significant institutional failings" from English football's authorities.
Stewart told CNN that the findings have left victims angry and disappointed when they had sought closure and vindication after decades of life impacted by the painful memories of abuse.
"This was commissioned by the FA, it was paid for by the FA and we're going to be disappointed, aren't we?" Stewart told CNN Sport's Don Riddell. "They're not going to completely hold their hands up and be liable for what happened."
In the review by Sheldon, which was commissioned by the FA in 2016 after several former footballers came forward to discuss their experiences of sex abuse in the game, it was noted that the FA showed "significant institutional failings" in delaying the introduction of "appropriate and sufficient child protection measures" between October 1995 and May 2000.
The report also noted that "there is no evidence that the FA knew that there was a serious or systemic problem of child sexual abuse within the game in England and no evidence that the FA ought to have known there was such a problem" prior to the summer of 1995.
But having spoken to many of the other survivors since the review was published, Stewart says that they reject this conclusion.
"Prior to '95, there is no blame on any of the clubs, on any of the establishment because they said that nobody spoke out," he says.
"Yet these individuals have clearly said that they spoke to coaches, that they spoke to staff at clubs, and the report refuses to validate that -- in fact, ignores the fact that they say that. It's caused a lot of stress on a lot of my colleagues."
Stewart says the abuse he suffered as a child -- "very, very early on ... for a sustained four-year period" -- has darkened how he views his outstanding achievements.
"On paper it looks like I had a really good football career," he says. "But I didn't enjoy it. I didn't enjoy one bit of it.
"I was so good at putting an act on, looking like I was this successful footballer, but inside I was an empty soul. I was dying and behind closed doors, I was struggling, really, really struggling."
Contacted by CNN for comment on Stewart and others being disappointed by the report, the FA referred back to its statement released earlier this week.
In the statement, Mark Bullingham, chief executive of the FA, said the release of the review was a "dark day for the beautiful game" in which "we must acknowledge the mistakes of the past and ensure that we do everything possible to prevent them being repeated."
