Parents don't think their kids are as grateful as they should be, poll finds
(CNN)The season of giving thanks can't come quickly enough for some parents.
Four in five parents who responded to a poll from the University of Michigan Health say children today are not grateful enough.
Parents who responded to the poll say they are teaching their children the magic words, "please and thank you." However, when it comes to actions over words, the children -- and parents -- could be falling short, said Sarah Clark, research scientist at the University of Michigan and co-director of the poll.
Nearly all parents say it's possible to teach children gratitude, and three-fourths of parents say teaching gratitude is a priority. The most common ways parents teach children gratitude are "please and thank you," followed by enforcing chores. Just over one-third of parents use strategies like donating toys or clothes and saying a prayer of thanks.
"My hope is a poll like this causes some parents to stop and think about, 'Are we being purposeful about teaching our kids how to be grateful?'" Clark said.
The national sample includes parents of children 4 to 10 years old. The C.S. Mott Children's Hospital at the University of Michigan conducts monthly polls to observe child health. The poll "purposefully" did not define gratitude; Clark said parents had to bring their own interpretation of the word.
The poll's report also provided five strategies to nurture gratitude in children -- including saying thank you, discussing gratitude, helping with family chores, volunteering and donating.
Modeling behavior
Expressing gratitude can improve mental health for both children and adults, studies have found. But children don't develop gratitude automatically -- parents need to model and create strategies to teach children these behaviors, Clark said. Volunteering and community service can help children see what they should be thankful for, and what they can do for others, the report said.
Emily Conder, a research scientist and doctoral student in Vanderbilt University's psychology and human development department, published a study about how children can develop negative biases toward people after overhearing negative words. Children can model behaviors from indirect sources as well.
"It's important to remember as parents that modeling comes from you and also comes from what's on TV and what they're hearing from other sources," Conder said.
Parents can also play a role in how children process and express emotions, said Ashley Ruba, postdoctoral researcher in the University of Wisconsin-Madison's Child Emotion Lab.
She said when parents talk to their children about emotions, both positive and negative, children have a better understanding of what they are feeling and how to react.
"Gratitude can be socialized in a similar way ... actually having conversations about things that you're grateful for and why you're grateful for these things," Ruba said.
Coming of age in a pandemic
The emotional and physical toll of the pandemic burdens an already complicated stage of a child's life. Young people's depression and anxiety doubled during the pandemic, an analysis published in August found.
Ruba said social isolation and missing out on school can be scary for younger children. But strategies like discussing children's feelings and keeping a gratitude journal can help.
Parenting during the pandemic isn't any easier.
"We ask a lot of parents. They have to do a lot. ... It's been a tough couple of years for kids, so it's fine to cut kids some slack," Clark said. "But don't abandon altogether that parent responsibility of the other things you have to teach your kids and model."
As we approach the holiday season, Clark said gifts and giving are a perfect place to start. Slip a thank-you card into the gift opening routine or add volunteering to the family's holiday traditions.
"It's never too late to start. Thanksgiving and the whole holiday season is a really easy time to gets kids started," Clark said. "It is what we call the teachable moment."
民意调查发现，父母认为他们的孩子没有应有的感激之情
（美国有线电视新闻网）对于一些父母来说，感恩的季节来得不够快。
五分之四对密歇根大学健康调查做出回应的家长表示，今天的孩子们还不够感恩。
回应民意调查的父母说，他们正在教他们的孩子神奇的话，“请和谢谢你”。然而，密歇根大学的研究科学家、民意调查的联合主任莎拉克拉克说，当谈到行动而不是言语时，孩子和父母可能会达不到要求。
几乎所有的父母都说教孩子感恩是可能的，四分之三的父母说教感恩是重中之重。父母教孩子感恩的最常见方式是“请和谢谢你”，其次是强制执行家务。超过三分之一的父母使用捐赠玩具或衣服以及祈祷感谢之类的策略。
“我希望像这样的民意调查能让一些父母停下来思考，'我们是否有目的地教我们的孩子如何感恩？'”克拉克说。
全国样本包括 4 至 10 岁儿童的父母。密歇根大学的 C.S. Mott 儿童医院每月进行一次民意调查，以观察儿童的健康状况。民意调查“有目的地”没有给感恩下定义；克拉克说，父母必须对这个词做出自己的解释。
民意调查的报告还提供了五种培养孩子感恩的策略——包括说谢谢、讨论感恩、帮助做家务、志愿服务和捐赠。
建模行为
研究发现，表达感激之情可以改善儿童和成人的心理健康。但是孩子们不会自动培养感激之情——父母需要塑造和制定策略来教孩子们这些行为，克拉克说。报告称，志愿服务和社区服务可以帮助孩子们了解他们应该感谢什么，以及他们可以为他人做些什么。
范德比尔特大学心理学和人类发展系的研究科学家和博士生艾米丽康德发表了一项关于儿童如何在无意中听到负面话语后对人产生负面偏见的研究。儿童也可以模仿间接来源的行为。
康德说：“作为父母，重要的是要记住，模特来自你自己，也来自电视上的内容以及他们从其他来源听到的内容。”
威斯康星大学麦迪逊分校儿童情绪实验室的博士后研究员 Ashley Ruba 说，父母也可以在孩子如何处理和表达情绪方面发挥作用。
她说，当父母与孩子谈论积极和消极的情绪时，孩子们会更好地了解他们的感受以及如何反应。
鲁巴说：“感恩可以以类似的方式进行社交……实际上是谈论你感激的事情以及你为什么感激这些事情。”
大流行中的成年
大流行病给孩子本已复杂的人生阶段带来了精神和身体上的损失。 8 月发表的一项分析发现，在大流行期间，年轻人的抑郁和焦虑增加了一倍。
鲁巴说，社会孤立和错过学校对年幼的孩子来说可能是可怕的。但是，讨论孩子的感受和写感恩日记等策略会有所帮助。
大流行期间的育儿并不容易。
“我们问了很多父母。他们必须做很多事情。......这几年对孩子们来说是艰难的几年，所以让孩子们放松一下是可以的，”克拉克说。 “但不要完全放弃父母对你必须教给孩子和模特的其他事情的责任。”
随着假期临近，克拉克说礼物和赠送是一个完美的开始。将感谢卡放入礼物打开程序中，或将志愿服务添加到家庭的节日传统中。
“开始永远不会太晚。感恩节和整个假期是让孩子们开始学习的好时机，”克拉克说。 “这就是我们所说的可教时刻。”
