Bubba Watson: 'I was fearing death' -- Two-time Masters champion shares mental health struggles
(CNN)Bubba Watson sunk to his knees and asked for "God to take" his life.
Back in 2017, a stomach issue had meant he'd lost a lot of weight and golf wasn't going so well, leaving him considering retiring from the sport he loves. On top of that, his mind was taking him "down a rabbit hole."
He remembers fearing he wasn't good enough and wasn't well liked. Such were the struggles he was experiencing, Watson "feared for" his life, described his feelings to CNN's Patrick Snell as being the "darkest of the dark at that moment."
"When I looked in a mirror at that moment when I was down to a 162 pounds, all I saw was a thin Bubba, a guy losing weight, a guy not going to make it," the two-time Masters winner explained.
"And so when you think about that moment, those were the darkest hours, and when I think about my tears at that moment, when I think about what I asked the Lord and then it resonated in my head and it was like a wake-up call.
"It was like a bell went off and said: 'Wait, if you have 10 minutes left, is this how you're going to waste your 10 minutes?' And I was like, 'No.'"
Watson was speaking to CNN around the launch of his book Up and Down, which is described as "the inspiring story of an imperfect man striving to become the best person he can be -- wherever the course may take him."
'Faith was key'
Realiizing he didn't want his life to end, Watson says his faith and his wife helped him return to a better place psychologically.
Watson has been married to his wife Angie for 17 years, and they have two adopted children together. A former professional basketball player, Angie provided the support he needed in his lowest moments.
"Being able to be a man and speak to her and tell her my deepest, darkest secrets and let her know what I was going through and let her know that I was scared ... that's a hard thing to do," the 43-year-old remembers.
"I mean, talking to my wife and supposed to be the man of the house ... but then thinking about my knees on the floor, when I hit the floor and ask for the Lord to take me, I thought about: 'Wait, if this is the last 10 minutes of my life, this is the last 30 minutes, the last day, last two weeks, whatever it is, I need to be better. I need to be better for her and be better for my kids.'
"Once I voiced it and I heard it in my head, that's what made me get off the floor and be like: 'You know what? This is not what I want my life to be. This is not what I want my legacy to be is this moment, and so I need to go out there and be the man I need to be.'"
Watson was in such a hole in 2017 that he was willing to give up golf, the sport which was "near and dear" to his heart and had brought him so much success.
However, Angie convinced him to stick with it as she understood that it would be something her husband that might help him work his way back to normality.
Watson has had a brilliant career in golf. Including his Masters titles in 2012 and 2014, he's won 12 times on the PGA Tour and has represented the US at the Ryder Cup, the Presidents Cup and the 2016 Rio Olympics.
The Florida native will be returning to the PNC Championship in Orlando in December with his son Caleb. Having played last year alongside his father-in-law, Watson expressed his excitement at playing at the tournament which "attracts major champions whose victories this year span from 1959 to 2021."
However, when it comes to his legacy, Watson hopes it has nothing to do with what he did on the course.
"I want it to be defined as a good man that tried harder every day," he said. "And I don't want it to say anything about golf because I want my kids to know me as their dad.
"I want them to know my legacy is something else. Golf provided it, but I don't want them to say: 'Two-time Masters champion.' If that's the first thing they say out of their mouth then I missed the boat as a parent and I missed the boat as a husband as well."
布巴沃森：“我害怕死亡”——两届大师赛冠军分享心理健康问题
（美国有线电视新闻网）布巴沃森跪下并要求“上帝夺走”他的生命。
早在 2017 年，胃病就意味着他的体重减轻了很多，而且打高尔夫球的进展并不顺利，这让他考虑从他热爱的运动中退役。最重要的是，他的思想正在带他“掉进兔子洞”。
他记得害怕自己不够好，不被人喜欢。这就是他所经历的挣扎，沃森“害怕”他的生命，向 CNN 的帕特里克·斯内尔描述他的感受是“那一刻最黑暗的黑暗”。
这位两届大师赛冠军解释说：“当时我在照镜子的那一刻，我的体重降到了 162 磅，我看到的只是一个瘦弱的布巴，一个正在减肥的人，一个不会成功的人。”
“所以，当你想到那一刻，那是最黑暗的时刻，当我想到那一刻我的眼泪，当我想到我问主的事情时，它在我的脑海中产生共鸣，就像醒来一样——打电话。
“这就像铃声响了，然后说：‘等等，如果你还剩 10 分钟，你会这样浪费你的 10 分钟吗？'我当时想，'不。'”
沃森在他的书《起起落落》(Up and Down) 推出时接受了美国有线电视新闻网 (CNN) 的采访，该书被描述为“一个不完美的人努力成为最好的人的鼓舞人心的故事——无论课程可能带他去哪里。”
'信仰是关键'
意识到他不想结束自己的生命，沃森说他的信仰和他的妻子帮助他在心理上回到了一个更好的地方。
沃森与妻子安吉结婚 17 年，他们共同收养了两个孩子。作为一名前职业篮球运动员，安吉在他最低谷的时候提供了他所需要的支持。
“能够成为一个男人，和她说话，告诉她我最深、最黑暗的秘密，让她知道我正在经历什么，让她知道我很害怕……这是一件很难的事，”43-岁记得。
“我的意思是，和我的妻子说话，应该是家里的男人……但后来想到我跪在地板上，当我撞到地板并请求主带我时，我想：‘等等如果这是我生命的最后 10 分钟，这是最后的 30 分钟，最后一天，最后两周，不管是什么，我都需要变得更好。我需要对她更好，对我的孩子更好.'
“一旦我说出它并在我的脑海中听到它，这就是让我离开地板并说：'你知道吗？这不是我想要的生活。这不是我想要我的遗产就是这一刻，所以我需要走出去，成为我需要成为的人。'”
沃森在 2017 年陷入这样的困境，以至于他愿意放弃高尔夫，这项对他来说“近在咫尺”的运动，并为他带来了如此多的成功。
然而，安吉说服他坚持下去，因为她明白这将是她丈夫的事情，可以帮助他恢复正常。
沃森在高尔夫领域有着辉煌的职业生涯。包括他在 2012 年和 2014 年的大师赛冠军，他在美巡赛上赢得了 12 次冠军，并代表美国参加了莱德杯、总统杯和 2016 年里约奥运会。
这位佛罗里达本地人将于 12 月与他的儿子 Caleb 一起重返奥兰多的 PNC 锦标赛。去年与他的岳父一起参加比赛，沃森表达了他对参加比赛的兴奋，“吸引了今年从 1959 年到 2021 年的胜利的主要冠军。”
然而，谈到他的遗产，沃森希望这与他在球场上所做的无关。
“我希望它被定义为一个每天都更加努力的好人，”他说。 “而且我不希望它谈论高尔夫，因为我希望我的孩子们知道我是他们的父亲。
“我想让他们知道我的遗产是另一回事。高尔夫提供了它，但我不希望他们说：'两届大师赛冠军。'如果这是他们说出的第一件事，那么作为父母我错过了这条船，作为丈夫我也错过了这条船。”
